Everybody Poops, #2 What's that, Tucker? You smell shit?
The southern resident population of Orcas is down to only 83 and is critically endangered. Researchers at the University of Washington are committed to getting to the bottom of the missing and presumed dead Orcas of Puget Sound and they have a secret weapon--a black lab named Tucker. Tucker knows shit. He is trained to smell Orca shit unimpeded by seawater and distance. Tucker has led researchers to several promising samples of shit. Hormone levels in the shit indicate that the Killer Whales are not getting enough to eat.
"I'm pretty confident that what we are seeing is nutritional deficit," said Katherine Ayres, a UW graduate student working on the study. "It is interesting and sad. We have a link to what scientists have been saying for a long time."
[seattletimes]
Killer Whales are starving, and why? There are less Salmon and less Herring. What can we do about it? Salmon and Herring fishing in the Pacific Northwest is already regulated to the hilt. The only additional thing researches recommend is to impose more restrictions on boat traffic. The noise of boat traffic interferes with Whale sonar and hurts their chances of finding food. The problem is exacerbated by the fact that Orcas travel, so in order to save this pod these restrictions would have to be implemented from Canada all the way to Northern California. It may be that Puget Sound will no longer be unable to sustain Killer Whales. There is very little to be optimistic about here. There is almost no way to expect that economic interests will accept these restrictions to their trade in order to save this species. Anyone in the market for a Dog that knows how to sniff out shit?
Actually, we are pretty good at sniffing out shit too. November 20! The Atlantis Dubai is throwing their $20,000,000 dollar grand opening debauch, Kylie Minogue will be shaking her old fat ass and lip-syncing songs that don't really matter anymore, and Sammy the Whale Shark will still be languishing in his jail cell to the delight of rich assholes. Amadeo Zarzosa is the general manager of Atlantis Dubai and is one of the "minds" behind the whole operation. When pressed about Sammy recently he had no comment...he is lower than Whale shit.
--El Tiburon
 technorati tags: Killer Whales, Pacific Northwest, Atlantis Dubai, Sammy the Shark, Kylie Minogue, University of Washington, Canada, Seattle, California, Puget Sound
Everybody Poops
It is as thick as your arm and smells disgusting - and it has just been caught on camera for what is thought to be the first time.
[BBC]*INSERT DICK JOKE HERE*
Whale Sharks are the biggest fish in the sea growing to well over 35 feet long. Biologist Mark Meekan was able to follow one around and collect a Whale Shark's shit.
 You should all click here and watch the video. Mark Meekan is much funnier than the fish and the shit he so loves.
And speaking of Whale Sharks and shit--the Atlantis hotel in Dubai is holding their decadent $20 million grand opening extravaganza on November 20. Kylie Minogue is being paid something like $5 million to perform. Really? Expected to attend are Oprah, Denzel, Ne Diro, Lily Allen, Janet Jackson, Michael Jordan, the Cruises, and the Beckhams. Oh, and Sammy the Whale Shark will be there too, in illegal captivity, just as she has been since September. The Atlantis hotel in Dubai promised to release Sammy since around October 24, after supposedly receiving a release order from some UAE wildlife agency. Whale Sharks are a protected species. Atlantis Dubai does not not have the proper international clearance to keep Sammy captive. The Atlantis Dubai is breaking the law. The fact that all these A-list Western celebs are attending this "glamorous" affair is grotesque. Oprah?
Does it seem like we whine on and on about this? It is because we are. It seems as if the mainstream media outlets have either been paid off by the Atlantis PR machine or are just too blinded by the glitz of the grand opening--the richest and biggest private party ever thrown.
--Sharky
technorati tags: Whale Sharks, marine biology, Atlantis Dubai, UAE, Oprah, Robert DeNiro, Public Relations, Beckhams, Tom Cruise, Lily Allen, Denzel Washington, Tom Cruise, Michael Jordan, Kylie Minogue
Let's Play Spot the Eco-Terrorsit Shark Finners are Eco-Terrorists.
 Sea Shepherd guys are not Eco-Terrorists.
 PETA chicks are not Eco-Terrorists.
 Japanese Whalers are Eco-Terrorists.
 Uh...you get the picture.
--Ms Sharky
technorati tags: Terrorism, Eco-Terrorism, Sea Shepherd, Whaling, PETA, KFC, Sharks, Shark Fin Soup, Chinese Food, Hummers, GMC, auto industry, Whales
Mark's Boner of a Publicity Stunt
Shameless trophy Shark killer and charter captain Mark "the shark" Quartiano alerted the authorities and the local Pompano Beach, Florida media on Friday claiming to have found a human bone in the belly of a recently caught 9-foot Bull Shark.
“It’s kind of weird,” he said. “I’ve cut thousands and thousands of sharks open and never came across a human bone before. A lot of bones, but not humans.”
[nbc6.net]
Mark has literally killed thousands and thousands of Sharks...including protected species like the Bigeye Thresher. Why he is not sitting in a federal prison right now--let alone still has his captain's license--is testament to how ineffectual wildlife and fisheries management agencies are.
This asshole makes a fortune taking rich insecure assholes out in his dingy Striker-I to kill protected species. I won't link his website here because we don't want to help his Google rating. Google it yourself if you want to see some true douchebaggery.
Broward County Sheriff's deputies said that the six-inch bone Mark found in the murdered Bull Shark was not human. To pull a bullshit stunt like this Mark's business must be sagging lower than his nuts. Mark is lucky that the authorities only checked the bone in the Shark's belly. If they would have looked in the Shark's cloaca they would have found another one of Mark's bones...and that bone is as sure as shit smaller than six inches.
--Sharky
technorati tags: Shark Fishing, public relations, Sharks, Bull Sharks, Hammerheads, Blue Sharks, Bigeye Thresher Sharks, endangered species
This is not an Anti-Navy post... ...it is an anti-Supreme Court post...
On Wednesday, the Supreme Court issued a 5-4 decision that reverses a lower court ruling that ordered the Navy to apply certain safety measures when conducting tests with sonar frequencies that have been implicated in destroying Whales and other marine mammals. The particular sonar levels are pinged at a volume louder than 2000 jet engines. Voicing the majority opinion was Bush appointee Chief Justice John Roberts:
"The most serious possible injury would be harm to an unknown number of the marine mammals. In contrast, forcing the navy to deploy an inadequately trained anti-submarine force jeopardizes the safety of the fleet."
He also said that these kind of sonar tests have been conducted by the Navy for 40 years without a single documented incident of harm to a marine mammal...uh, what a dipshit. Whale strandings linked to sonar have been documented world wide. The Navy itself acknowledges that sonar is deadly to Whales, and that the exercises at issue would “take” an estimated 170,000 marine mammals.[Source]
Voicing the minority opinion Justice Ginsburg noted:
"Sonar is linked to mass strandings of marine mammals, hemorrhaging around the brain and ears, acute spongiotic changes in the central nervous system and lesions in vital organs."
 Carol Channing is probably better informed about the issue of Naval Sonar and marine mammals than Chief Justice Roberts.
The big issue here is that the court is setting a precedent allowing the military do virtually do whatever the hell they want without a proper environmental risk assessment. The lower court ruling that was overturned this week did not ban Naval sonar outright, it just mandated safety measures that would limit harm to Whales and other marine mammals. Justice Roberts in effect has said that there is no need for common ground between environmental interests and military interests. We should all go home and fuck ourselves.
Just because Obama was elected and will soon be taking hold of the reigns, does not mean that the world is all tofu and rainbows. Bush and co. were able to load up the Supreme Court with plenty of hateful, jingoistic, warmongering, evolution-denying, Seal Clubbers. And supreme court justices hold on to their power until it is pried from their cold dead claws. President Bush is the gift that keeps on giving and giving and giving, and our grandchildren will thank us too. Aren't we lucky?
--El Tiburon
technorati tags: Whales, California, Supreme Court, John Roberts, Carol Channing, Navy, Obama, Presiedent Bush
Was Paul Watson Shot?
A Private/Public Memo to the Enviro-blogging community:
Do I really think that Paul Watson was shot?
Off the Record...probably not. [Note to Self: How ridiculous is it for me to post something and then claim that it is off the record?] But, did it draw attention to the "scientific" Japanese Whaling program? Undoubtedly. Sea Shepherd is engaged in a propaganda war more than anything else. Will their television circus hurt or help the enviro-movement? Both. But I am guessing that Watson and co. are operating on a strategic level more than a scientific level. People like you [and you know who you are] and me don't need Sea Shepherd to showcase certain environmental issues like whaling, seal hunting, or shark finning...but there are a lot of people that do. There are a lot of people that really need stage-craft and slight of hand to alert them to certain issues. Animal Planet viewers just may be that kind of audience. The trick is in the balancing act. Can they win over enough people to justify alienating others? It is an extremely complicated issue. Keep in mind I am in no way disagreeing with legitimately concerned Sea Shepherd detractors and and their very legitimate concerns.
Is Paul Watson an asshole? UNDOUBTEDLY. But is he our asshole? That is the question.
I myself am an asshole. When I slander fishermen and photoshop obscenities on them I am guaranteeing alienating a certain audience...but then again, I never had much hope for that audience anyway.
I am trying to reach the internet tough guys, the porn addicts, lolcat freaks, anonymous chantards, meme forwarders, video gamers, 40-year-old virgins, pot heads, freelancers, comic book guys, furries, larpers. If I can alert them to an environmental issue or two with poopy pants humor and dick jokes, fine. Die hard Republicans, neo-cons, debutantes, Mormons, the humorless, Sarah Palin, trophy hunters...I don't have a chance with those people.
I can't speak for Paul Watson or Sea Shepherd and their exact demographic targeting scheme and agitprop strategy, but for everyone they turn off with some wonky Oliver Stone ballistics, they inform at least one person about the unnecessary horror of the Japanese Whaling Program, or Shark Finning, or Seal Clubbing. Are their methods questionable? Sure. But Greenpeace and the rest of the NGOs with similar environmental interests do a very good job of separating themselves PR-wise from Sea Shepherd. And Sea Shepherd does a very good job of making sure to separate themselves from Greenpeace and the rest of the NGOs by publicly shitting on them whenever possible and complaining all day long how no one wants to share logistics and intel with them. There are plenty of Greenpeacers that privately like Sea Shepherd and vice-versa. Greenpeace loves when Sea Shepherd plays the fool and Sea Shepherd loves when Greenpeace plays it aloof and legitimate. They are all playing to their own target audiences...at the end of the day it is all to the same ends. And we all have our part to play--agitators and agent provocateurs too.
Just look at all the publicity they are getting from all of us! The more we talk and post about it, the better it is for Sea Shepherd. Any publicity is good publicity...whether it is true or not, it is all propaganda...all of it.
--Sharky
technorati tags: Sharks, Whales, Greenpeace, NGO, environmentalism, Seal Clubbing, Japanese Whaling, Animal Planet, Whale Wars
There is no "White Shark Cafe"
The blogosphere nerdosphere is on fire with news and pics from the Census of Marine Life and we have to admit, the data and pictures are pretty impressive. From newly discovered Lovecraftian Cephalopods to forward-thinking fisheries management recommendations--there is a lot here to get us and other ichthyological fetishists wet in the pantaloons. But all this data comes with a major caveat:
The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new dark age.--H.P. Lovecraft
What the hell does this mean? It means...don't fucking read to much into it. Also, for the love of all things holy--stop publicizing the secret places that sharks congregate to breed, feed, or whatever. You publish the GPS coordinates of this supposed "White Shark Cafe" or "Shark Singles' Bar" in the Pacific and the next thing you know, an Armada of pirates in Chinese junks will set their compasses and soon all that will be left of White Sharks is an all-you-can-eat-special at the Shark Fin Soup kitchen and a few macho tooth necklaces on eBay.
 This is the White Shark Blogger's Cafe. Tacos. Internet. Really, what else do you need?
--Sharky
P.S. Thanks to the Giant Clam for twisting our arm on this story. We at The Chum Slick are sorry we have not been posting every single day, but due to economic downturns we have been forced to...well you can figure it out. We are striving to stay on top of things.
technorati tags: Sharks, White Shark Cafe, Tacos, Internet, Blogging, Cthulhu, H.P. Lovecraft, GPS, Shark Fin Soup, eBay, Census of Marine Life
The Best Shark Blog You May Have Never Read
We don't always agree with these guys...take for instance their distaste for the showboaty guerrilla theater of Paul Watson and Sea Shepherd. But you gotta give them one thing. They sure as hell know Sharks and Shark Diving...that is two things I guess.
Anyway, they have agreed to give He-Who-Channels-Sharky a free trip down to Isla Guadalupe to get in some cage work with El Tiburon. He-Who-Channels-Sharky is extremely excited as he gets down San Diego way at least once a year. If you like Sharks--you know you do--and you are interested in Shark Diving--you know you are--give them a shot.
--Sharky
P.S. They didn't actually agree to take He-Who-Channels down to Baja for free...but hey what is a little propaganda between pals?
technorati tags: Sharks, Great White Sharks, Shark Diving, Sea Shepherd, San Diego, Baja California
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